Dear Readers
I'm sharing with you all a story that happened to me going on 3 years ago that I pray you ladies never have to experience.
The Word of God tells us to guard our hearts for a reason, unfortunately I was not very good at doing so at that time.
God wants His children to be open to Him, but not to leave ourselves open to other deities or people that can come in with the wrong motive. I was fresh out of a terrible divorce ( I'll talk about that later) and I found myself fallen in a deep depression. I wanted that marriage to work mainly because that was my first time being married and the fact that I became divorced just felt like another failure of something again. I reached out for spiritual guidance from my pastor at that time desperate for a Word from God to believe there was nothing wrong with me, or if there were somethings I needed to change, just looking for guidance, answers, and affirmation. And he did indeed gave that to me, but I didn't realize it came with a motive. He didn't come on to me instantly it was subtle like a snake. He got me comfortable with him saying I could talk to him about anything and if I needed anything to let him know in love. No funny stuff just casual so I didn't think nothing of it, besides he was a man of God so I thought he was harmless. About two weeks went by and serving faithfully in the ministry, he one day called me to run an errand, which was normal as an associate minister, and I said ok, but then he told me he had something to tell me, so me, " okay".
He said he had feelings for me.
The phone grew silent. I didn't know what to think. And he said your there, I said yea, in a weird voice. He said I just wanted to know everything about you is amazing and the fact you are a woman of God is everything I ever wanted and hoped for in a woman. I was still quiet. He said, "I know it's a lot, so I'll let you go for now with that. Just think about it". Just think about it. That was the seed words that was about to take over my life for one full year. And I did thought about it and I wasn't okay with it. I didn't speak to him for a few days after that, but when we did talk again I told him I couldn't do it and that he was married which was another reason. He told me he was divorced and they are going their separate ways when his money come in from a settlement and he didn't want to make a scene with people being in their business, which made sense to me at the time. So with him being a man of God, I did something that costed me a year of confusion ,heart ache, pain, and it was my choice. I didn't tell him yes or no but in my mind the idea of being with a man of God not alone a pastor gave me a positive feeling for my future. For the first time in a long time, I thought to myself, " he must be the one". Red flags never came across my mind with him I kept blocking them out because hey he's a man preaching and teaching truth, so he should be walking in it right? The very first time he kissed me was right before a revival in his office and the second time was before the second night of revival once again in his office. He told me it felt right. I thought it did too. He told me until he got things straight with leaving home we could be together but for now he would love me in secret. We started seeing each other after that. Meeting at different places and rooms. He was living by the moment in lust while I was holding onto hope of becoming his wife. ( Crazy right) But, things started changing when I would look on social media. He told me he was divorced, but when I looked on social media him and his so say ex wife were hugged up, kissing, and doing all kinds of stuff together like man and wife. I would confront him about it and he made me believe I was the bad guy.
Don't look at the pictures, it's not what it looks like, I'm just doing that to keep the peace, I love you not her. And like a fool, I believed it. I became a nervous wreck. I would stalk both of their pages night and day. And every time I saw something I would lose it. I couldn't focus good on receiving a word at church, I couldn't even focus to preach anymore. It got to the point where he became my idol and my focus was completely on what he was doing and who he was doing it with. I lost myself for a year. And finally, the day came where his money came in as promised. He went find a house as he told me before and said it was for the both of us. I was so excited! My kids and I were finally going to have a complete family, well I thought. The next day, I looked on social media, his supposed to be ex wife announced their new family beginning and how they were blessed with their new home. I asked him about it and he said it was for them. Every word was a lie! I hated myself and wanted to die. I was able to swallow my pride and tell a good friend of mine who was also my co labourer in the ministry what all had taken place. I even told her my part as well, which was not easy. After getting the Word of God and instructions I went check the archives at the courthouse and found out he was never divorced. I was an adulter. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror for a while after that. My intentions was to never mess up a family, I wanted my own the right way. I ended things immediately and left the church. It took a long time for healing to take place. To the people outside looking in I was a homewrecker and a whore. Talks are still taking place like God hasn't even forgiven me, but I know my Redeemer lives and I thank Him everyday for saving me from me. To all my ladies, I know it hurts being betrayed by someone you love and it feels like there's no hope and your gonna be alone forever, but we are not alone, the Holy Spirit is with us. I rejected God so many times because I wanted something tangible to hold on to. I felt like I needed it like a drug. But I was hurting myself. God wanted me to be filled through His Spirit so I won't keep filling myself with things that would not sustain me.
I lay my desires at His feet now while allowing Him to keep me close so I don't engage in anything like that ever again. God has greater that will love and honor you by doing it the right way. I believe it for myself as well. I pray my story has helped you. Because my sisters You are more than Enough 🌹👑💎🌟
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